Reconstructing Retirement
Retirement is a complicated word. We each assign our own emotional meaning to the term, and increasingly we are hearing very different interpretations of what was once commonly understood.
Retirement may evoke the following:
1. My work is done. Time to play!
2. This isn’t what I expected. I’m bored. Maybe I should go get another job.
3. I guess I’ve reached the end of my usefulness. Sigh. Nothing left to do except wait to die.
4. This means I’m old. Old sucks! Everything in our culture tells me so.
Anticipation. Discouragement. Depression. Anger. Very different emotional reactions to the same word. You can find a lot of useful models for what to expect in this phase of life, no matter how you define it. I still like the stages coined by Dr. Robert Atchley, sociologist and gerontologist ,almost fifty years ago. I think they hold up well, so let me set up what he saw as a typical path, then offer an alternative.
1. The Tipping Point*
This is the beginning–when we are released from our previous work, either abruptly or gradually, voluntarily or involuntarily, and are now faced with choices we might prefer to postpone. My introduction to clients is often here–an existential crisis. They were so confident in their ability to retire on their own terms, then it happened.
While a happy few end up being ahead of schedule financially, according to research many more people are pushed into an unexpectedly early retirement because of something beyond their control, usually a layoff or health crisis. In my consulting work I’ve worked with a lot of business owners who kept delaying succession planning, on the premise they will always be able to choose the terms of their own good-bye later. Imagine the chaos that ensues when a business owner is suddenly incapacitated. Sooner or later, we will all face the tipping point.
2. Honeymoon Phase*
Dreams of retirement can be an escapist fantasy on those days when it all hits the fan. We think of all the things we’d like to be doing now, but there’s no time. But some day… We dream about what it will be like when we have all the time in the world. A vacation that never ends! Retirement is going to be that season for doing all the things we dreamed of doing once we were no longer restricted by work: travel, pursuing hobbies, visiting grandchildren, etc. I’ll do it all! If we’ve cultivated this fantasy for decades, the only next step is to try it and see how it goes.
In conferences, I usually tell the story of my father-in-law, who was pushed out of his VP of finance role in his late fifties. He bought an expensive set of golf clubs, a bass boat, and moved to a trendy retirement community with the intent of recreating to his heart’s content. Six months later, he was miserable. He sold the boat. The golf bag became a haven for spiders, hanging unused in the garage for years before finally ending up in a yard sale. It was a rough couple of years, but he finally found his Second Rodeo doing English as Second Language training for recent immigrants.
For most people, the honeymoon lasts between six and twelve months. As we’ve seen before, recreation is a great dessert, but a disappointing main course.
3. Disenchantment: So is this all there is?*
It can be a real downer to discover that retirement isn't a permanent vacation after all. In fact, it just as often brings loneliness, boredom, feelings of uselessness and disillusionment. Knowing the honeymoon will eventually end can actually help people enjoy it more fully.
If you haven’t seriously engaged in any kind of process for creating your next best life, avoiding disenchantment might be the only reason you need. My own passion around this work comes from seeing too many people reach this phase and get stuck here.
4. Reorientation: Building a New Identity*
This stage is most often ignored or postponed because it’s the most difficult aspect to manage alone. As Tom Hanks’ character said in A League of Their Own, “Hard is what makes it great.” All those big, soul-searching questions must be answered once again, because I’m a different person than I was at 23.
• Who am I, or Who have I become?
• Am I still useful in some capacity?
• What is my best purpose at this stage of life?
Until these questions are answered, it’s hard to find closure from life’s previous chapter.
5. Routine - The New Normal*
Finally, a new daily schedule is created, new marital ground rules are established (That’s a topic for another day!) and a new identity has been at least partially created. Eventually, the new landscape becomes familiar territory, and you’re now free to enjoy the season ahead with a new sense of purpose. This is where we all expect to end up the day after we retire, unfortunately it usually doesn’t happen.
I want to help rewrite the playbook for as many people as possible. Tell me if this order feels less traumatic…
• Reorientation: Building a New Identity–Through our Investigative Life Planning process, we can save you time and anxiety as you decide what’s next for you.
• Tipping Point: If you have a plan, you’re more likely to exit Life 1.0 on your own terms. You’ll have the emotional readiness to complement your financial readiness.
• Honeymoon: Give yourself time to do whatever you’ve been itching to do and enjoy every minute of it.
• New Normal: Jump into that Second Rodeo with confidence and passion!
If we approach life in this order, we very likely will skip disillusionment altogether. So now you have a couple of options of how to move from where you are into whatever’s next. And when you’re ready, we’ll be right here, ready to guide you to a preferable future. Connect with me at our website or email me. I’d like to hear your story.
*Adapted from the work of Robert Atchley, 1939-2018
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