The Art of Reflection
(Confidentiality is crucial to any coaching practice. Know that whenever I share client stories, identities have been scrubbed while the heart of the story remains true.)
“I’m no good at navel-gazing. Is there a point to this?” I laughed. This comment came from Al, a long-time coaching client and senior executive. Al prided himself on “not sugar coating it,” and his assessment came as no surprise.
“Yeah, you could call it that. And yes, there is a point.” I glanced at my watch. “Five more minutes.”
Al’s not alone. The people I work with tend to be hard-wired for action. In their work life, they might be all about risk management, cost analysis, market assessments, all that MBA stuff. But for some reason, applying that same level of diligence to preparing for the next chapter of their story feels like “navel-gazing,” a waste of time when they could be doing something.
Think about how many of our early life choices were made with minimal information and experience. We barely knew ourselves back then, at the very stage of life when we were expected to make all the big decisions of our lives. It’s nuts! The way I see it, if you’re going to take another shot, might as well have better data this time around.
All that to say that reflection is a key component of our Investigative Life Planning process. Many say it’s the hardest part. Without occasionally looking back to see where one has been, it’s easy to start going in circles. We might experience some of the same successes. But we can also repeat many of the same mistakes.
As philosopher and psychologist John Dewey wrote, “We do not learn from experience … we learn from reflecting on experience.” Makes sense on paper, but reflection is not a skill most action-oriented people have honed over the years.
Here’s why–too many of us are expected to process massive amounts of information, be attentive and timely in responding to the needs of other people, then quickly execute the right decisions–ALL DAY LONG. Who has time to question their assumptions, parse out their core beliefs, and figure out how to make sense of a world that is changing before our very eyes?
That’s why we usually start by guiding our clients to sharpen that skill set. We explore preferences, skills and abilities, and life experiences–both at and away from work. We teach clients to look for patterns, trends, and tendencies within themselves. I will often hear things like,
• “I hadn’t realized that I…
• “Ohhh! So that’s why…”
• “I never made the connection…”
Once I hear clients start talking like this, I know we’re almost ready to start looking ahead. The beauty of a Second Rodeo is the chance to wipe the slate clean. A new beginning. A reboot. To achieve that means investing the time and mental energy to evaluate what I’ve been needlessly carrying through life until now. To understand what I’ve been neglecting. Only then can I figure out needs to start, stop, or continue into the next chapter of my story.
If you’ve started using our 30-day journal, you know what I’m talking about. It’s a good introduction to the art of paying attention to yourself. It’s not easy. Which is why so few people ever master the art. But for those who persevere, the reward is a deeper understanding of you, and a significant chance of success in your Second Rodeo.
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