Ambition Pt. 2

I enjoyed some meaningful interaction with readers on last week’s topic of ambition. I hope these posts can be the catalyst for important dialogue, both in your own mind, with trusted friends, and with this community. We are all working together to forge a new path, away from the obsolete and dissatisfying models of “retirement” that are so pervasive.

There’s much yet to understand about this topic that too often remains in the shadows. I’m still trying to fully grasp it myself. As I gain new perspectives that might be helpful to you I will pass them along.

Just to restate my premise, I’m not sure we can truly have a significant Second Rodeo if we aren’t mindful of our relationship with ambition. So here goes with some additional thoughts to stimulate your own thinking.

Ambition has an exceedingly strong gravitational pull and if we aren’t constantly aware of our relationship with it, our attempts at a do-over may end up looking a lot like our first life–perhaps in achievement, but also in collateral damage.

I was reminded this week by a respected friend that ambition takes on a different tone when driven by ego. Let me ask you, if personal achievement, individual reward, and self-promotion are my primary motivators, is it possible that over time, I will lose perspective? Do these motivators tend to grow or diminish over time? Might I eventually sacrifice my values, beloved people, and integrity in pursuit of personal gain?

We’ve all seen it happen to others. Yet we tend to be overly optimistic about our own immunity. It takes a tremendous amount of self-awareness to admit that we’ve also made unintentional sacrifices thanks to an ego-motivated ambition.

And why is this relevant? In hundreds of conversations, when people describe what they want in life after a primary career I most frequently hear these four priorities.

• Recreation

• Travel

• More time with family

• Start a new business

Conventional wisdom may have planted these in our minds. “You’ve worked hard. It’s time to relax and focus on what you want.” Never mind that these frequently lose their appeal after a six to twelve months. The first two, at least, don’t tend to create lasting satisfaction or meaning. But because these priorities are the first to come to mind, let’s use them as examples of how ego-driven ambition can rob even these pleasant pursuits of their potential joy.

Recreation can be a tremendous source of relaxation and enjoyment. The origins of the word are clear, to re-create, or refresh. It’s a great way to connect with friends and achieve that elusive “flow state” But many forms of what we label as recreation can also take on a hyper-competitive edge that defeats any potential of restoration and enjoyment for enjoyment’s sake, not to mention pushing away relationships.

Travel may be one of life’s best teachers, especially when we approach other cultures with curiosity instead of judgment. It can immerse us in transcendently beautiful landscapes that give us a sense of proportion and perspective. And yet in some circles, travel can also be just another form of keeping score, of one-up-manship competition. “You haven’t been to Maritius? Wow. I thought everyone had seen Chamarel Falls by now…”

Family can be a powerful source of meaning and significance. But if a person has found their meaning outside of family for decades, the family system has adapted to their minimal interaction. There’s an inevitable storm when a well-intentioned person tries to force themselves back into that system that has learned to function without them.

New business–Need I say it? If nothing has changed, it’s only a matter of time until one finds themself right back in the same old habits, both good and bad.

Contrast that with what we’ll call for now an “altruistic ambition.” What might be different if the direct recipient of ambition is no longer self but others? A lot of people have found significant satisfaction in their Second Rodeo by focusing their accumulated expertise and wisdom on a cause that matters to them. Just a few examples include:

• Engaging with non-profit, cause-directed organizations

• Personal, intentional mentoring of the next generation

• Directing one’s philanthropic endeavors toward under-served populations through the lens of wisdom and compassion.

What could be more satisfying than being part of something that is literally changing the world for the better? If a person has done enough deep, reflective work to understand their relationship with ego-driven ambition, this change in perspective–what one philosopher called the shift from “Me to Thee”–can have a profound effect on how we see ourselves, while also creating deep meaning and purpose.

At the same time, imagine the potential for an unrestrained ego to want to be at the center of some great cause primarily because of how it will reflect favorably on me.

So as I process this, I’m starting to believe the real problem may not be ambition per se, but rather the fuel that drives our ambition. Ego is like high-octane jet fuel–powerful but dangerous. But when we figure out how to manage it, make it a servant, not a master, we have the potential to create a beautiful next chapter that is more meaningful and fulfilling than we can imagine.

To paraphrase G. K. Chesterton, this approach to shaping one’s latter third of life has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left largely untried. Connect with me on our website if you need a guide to process all this. First call is always free!

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