The Deception of Busyness

Ever ask a recently retired person how they’re doing? You probably heard something like, “I’m so busy I don’t know how I ever found time to go to work!” We’ve all heard it, or perhaps even said it.

Today we’re going to take a closer look at what busy means.

If you’re a person who’s been going hard for most of your working life, busy may be the easiest descriptor of how you felt for much of that time. Particularly in the U.S., the last thing we want is to be perceived as lazy or lacking in motivation. So busy is a preferable way to be perceived, because of what it implies, “I work hard, my calendar is full, therefore I have value.” Even in retirement, the word can also be a reflexive response implying, “I still have value.”

So the word serves us, in a way, as shorthand. But we all know the fallacy of busy. Everyone has had a busy day, week, or month and yet achieved absolutely nothing of significance. Same is true in your Second Rodeo.

Busy does not mean significant, meaningful, or valuable. In fact, it can easily mean just the opposite. I’ve heard military pilots say, “He’s all thrust and no vector.” The implication is that someone is flying at full speed with no clear direction.

Another familiar expression, “nature abhors a vacuum.” Same is true for the lives of people accustomed to busyness. If you’ve had a packed schedule, an overflowing to-do list, and more responsibilities than you can manage for decades, what’s it going to feel like the week after you’ve permanently left your job and realize you’re not just on vacation? What’s it going to feel like when it dawns on you that this is your new normal?

Being not busy feels abnormal, even wrong. Unconsciously, a lot of people immediately begin to find things, anything really, to fill the vacuum because a vacuum just feels weird. There’s something temporarily soothing about getting back to busy if that’s been your normal state, no matter how much we claim we’re “ready to slow down.”

I find most people are unprepared for how much other people assume you’re looking for something to fill your schedule. You’ll be inundated with requests to volunteer here, do home repairs for your grown kids, chauffeur grandkids, serve on the HOA–there’s no end to how helpful other people are to help you spend all that free time you now have on your hands!

Do not be fooled. Busyness is a counterfeit to a meaningful and significant life.

That’s why I try so hard to engage with people before they pull the ripcord on their primary career. The speed at which life fills up is stunning. Assuming you want to be proactive in this, here are my recommendations

Get Crystal Clear on Your Values

Let’s say that for decades, one of your primary values was around maximizing your income. And let’s also say you have some good ideas (but no real plans) of how you want to mentor, or invest in other people in your Second Rodeo. It all seems so exciting until someone shows up with a fat contract for your consulting services. Will the lure of more income exceed your desire to mentor? Without reflection, you’ll default to the value that served you in your previous chapter of life. We prepare for this possibility by examining what’s most important at this new stage of life.

Most businesses have a set of core values. A rare few actually use their values as a compass. Do we enter this new market? Is it consistent with what we profess to be about? How do these values lead us to treat our people differently?

Imagine then–if you had clearly articulated personal values that could provide the guide rails you’ll need to navigate a dizzying array of choices and decisions when you transition to a new season? Hopefully you’ll discover these together with your partner if you’re in a long-term relationship. Do we say yes to this? Is the timing right for that? Both opportunities are exciting. How do we choose? As you’ll see in just a moment, you’ll need to present a united front. We’ve led dozens of clients through a process of discerning between good values and core values. We can help you as well.

Build Plans, Set Priorities

I think of someone who had great enthusiasm for resuming her sculpting, something she’d let drop in the years of raising kids and pursuing a career. Two years after she retired, she looked around and asked, “what happened?” All that time had gone by and she had yet to even set up her studio and purchase supplies. This is not unusual. This is normal. If we have made a plan and set our priorities ahead of time, we will schedule time for those things that matter most to us. But they must be clear and have a compelling enough “why” to keep us from getting tangled in the weeds of everyday life.

Communicate Relentlessly

There’s no easy way to say this. If you’re the kind of person who has a hard time saying no, your Second Rodeo will make it even harder. Even if you have your values clearly defined, even if you know how you want to prioritize your days and weeks, you will still have to deal with the expectations and requests of others. Your family has expectations. The organizations, churches, and clubs you belong to all have expectations. Once word gets out that you’re available, expect to be recruited for this exciting new possibility, that prominent board position. No one expects you to do it all, but they all expect you to do that thing that matters to them. Please memorize this next sentence.

You will never live a purposeful, satisfying life until you get comfortable with disappointing people.

The journey from a successful first career to a significant Second Rodeo is seldom easy. A rare few find the path on their own. For the rest, I’m here to guide, offer a little tough love when needed, and help you avoid the pitfalls that cause so many to waste precious months and years of what could be their best season yet. Call me and let’s talk.

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