Becoming A Sage
Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi’s work has been one of the primary inspirations behind Second Rodeo. In 1995 he released his book, From Age-ing to Sage-ing: A Revolutionary Approach to Growing Older. It’s still in print and I’ve read it multiple times. My copy is dog-eared and well annotated. My friends at https://www.sage-ing.org/ are dedicated to helping fulfill his vision. They’ve helped me radically reframe my own attitudes and worldview about aging. In just the first few pages, Reb Zalman prophetically pointed out what’s now obvious–most older adults have lost their natural role in family and society–that of the elder or sage.
In virtually every culture up until the modern age, there have been those few women and men who held an esteemed role in their family, village, tribe, or religious community–the elders, sages, gurus, crones, priests and shamans. To these specific roles I would add all the wise grandparents, aunts, uncles and other relatives who have served as guides in multi-generational households throughout history. I’ll use the term sage here, but I’m referring to all who serve as wise counselors. Through their life’s example, they help others define meaning, from the mundane to the mystical.
Sages are wise men and women whom people intentionally seek out even though they may often be equally revered and feared. These roles are usually assumed after a lifetime of making a living and raising a family. Through the amalgamation of experience and reflection, they became guardians of wisdom. Stewards of stories. Influencers of communal beliefs, behaviors, and cultural norms.
Contrast that with the word “influencer” today–attractive young people with a large social media following who influence buying decisions because of their “vibe.” Yikes.
At Second Rodeo, I use my executive coaching expertise to guide people from a successful primary career toward discovering a life of greater significance. I don’t define significance too tightly; that’s something each person must discern for her or himself. I do, however, encourage people to think beyond what they do, which is how so many of us still define self and measure worth.
I feel I’ve done my job when clients start to discover who they really are, then let that define who they want to become. In this process of becoming, some people feel called to be a sage, even if they don’t have the language to describe it. It’s like it’s coming from some primal memory of who they were born to be.
Outside of indigenous cultures, it’s a way of being that most of us just don’t know much about. Maybe in some simple way this blog can help rekindle the conversation, although I’ll warn you that the way is long and hard. Here are a few of my observations about the role of the sage.
1) The sage is sought out for who they are, not what they know. Sages are not life coaches or therapists. They are not advisors or subject matter experts. There’s a place for all these roles in modern society. Just know that I’m talking about something else in this post.
2) The sage models and guides people toward contemplation and reflection. It might be labeled prayer, meditation, mindfulness, or journaling, but one does not typically walk away from the sage with an action plan in hand. Our western compulsion with quick fixes and easy answers has left us with a stunted ability to sit with our thoughts in ways that lead to clarity, not anxiety.
3) Sages often speak in parables, riddles, mysteries, and koans. When they speak the initial reaction is more likely to be confusion than enlightenment. I suspect one reason is that easy answers don’t ultimately lead to personal transformation. It’s in the hard work of thinking through our own experiences and choices that we discover meaning.
4) This esteemed role is granted by one’s community. While I might desire to serve my people as a sage, they ultimately decide whether I am one or not. If no one’s knocking on my door, perhaps others perceive me differently than I perceive myself. It seems important to discover what their perception is as part of my own self-awareness.
5) A sage knows right questions are a greater gift than right answers. If you need answers, Google might be a better source. A sage might just answer your question with another question. As an example, I have frequently heard discouragement from peers because their adult children won’t “listen to them.” By that they usually mean take their unsolicited advice. It might be worth considering how a parent could reinvent their role by focusing less on telling and more on asking.
I’ll have more to say on this topic over time. For now, I’m wondering, exactly what does this role look like in a culture where individualism and independence reign supreme? In the sixties and seventies, western Christianity was transformed by the Jesus movement. Thousands of young people flocked to Indian ashrams to sit under gurus. Zen masters set up schools in big American cities, and people came, longing to discover a deeper sense of meaning and purpose.
Set aside the abuses of power that tended to emerge in these kinds of settings, and consider the deep needs that people still have for someone who can help them make sense of themselves and their world. How might we find our seat alongside the sages of the past, and serve the people in our own circles, starting with our own children and grandchildren?
Reb Zalman had a vision that holds up after more than twenty-five years. Let’s continue his conversation and keep hope alive.
Idealistic? Of course. But sages are absolutely essential if we are to address the great challenges of our day. Reach out if you’d like to discuss your own place in the world. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
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Originally published at https://www.yoursecondrodeo.com/blog