The Roadblock of Ego
(Confidentiality is crucial to any coaching practice. Know that whenever I share client stories, identities are scrubbed while the heart of the story remains true.)
“There’s no way I’d do that,” he said, crossing his arms. “No effing way. I’m 55-years old. I’m not going back to school!”
Let’s back up and I’ll tell you what led to this outburst.
It’s not unusual for people who’ve been successful in one career to assume they can step into a different role at the same level, without upgrading their skills or knowledge. Recruiters refer to this as the bias of “confidence over competence”. The more successful a person has been in Life 1.0, the more likely they are to hold this bias going into 2.0.
This coaching client had a long track record of being on top. Prestigious university, perfect GPA that he still bragged about, recruited by one of the top firms in his industry, he’d been on the fast track his whole life. After 20 years, he was a principal in the firm with a high six figure income, two beautiful homes, and a collection of expensive cars.
In case it needs to be said, he was also miserable in his success and was exploring what his next chapter might look like. Income was no longer a primary concern for him.
He was quite interested in fitness and health and thought he’d like to be a personal trainer, then eventually open a specialized gym. While he was exceptionally fit and had a good working knowledge of fitness, he lacked the kinds of professional certifications that would give him credibility if he pursued this change. He had looked up an accreditation course online and seemed particularly irked that the instructors all looked younger than him. The next time we talked, he was ready to abandon the option altogether.
I’d seen his passion when he described the role fitness had played in his own life. I knew his genuine desire to help other people discover what he’d found. It’s not uncommon that people need to develop some new skills on the road to a Second Rodeo, so I couldn’t figure it out. We began to investigate why he’d reacted so strongly. “Tell me again why this is a deal-breaker,” I asked.
“I’m the global expert in my field at work! I don’t need to take a class from someone half my age to be a great personal trainer!”
“You’re in the driver’s seat.” I agreed. “If this is too big a hurdle, it’s your choice to scrap the idea. I’m curious, though, given your record of academic success, why you’re so resistant to taking an accreditation course when you’d obviously ace it.”
His jaw was clenched. He got quieter but his intensity was through the roof. “I’m. Supposed. To be. The expert. I’m not admitting to some kid that they know something I don’t.” I just let his words hang there without commenting. “Oh my god,” he finally said. “I sound like an a**hole.”
I shrugged. “Your whole life, other people have told you you’re the smartest and the best. In that sense it’s not surprising. I really don’t think you mean it though, when you say there’s nothing you could learn from someone younger than you. What if that’s just your ego trying to disrupt your next chapter?”
He admitted he was also self-conscious about his age and appearance, entering a new profession dominated by what he perceived as young, photogenic Instagram influencers. That explained in part his reaction to the program’s youthful instructors. But as he wrestled with the intensity of his emotion, he finally decided that his ego was indeed the main roadblock he needed to address. The idea of not being the expert, even for a little while, was hard to swallow.
Once that was out in the open though, he was able to deal with it. Long story short, he finally got his accreditation and is absolutely loving his Second Rodeo. But he came this close to letting his ego derail him.
Expect Ego to show up. Don’t let it surprise you. Then create a strategy to get around, through or over it. Life is too short to sabotage ourselves from experiencing a meaningful next chapter.
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